The Day the Movies Died

Mark Harris, for GQ, details why Hollywood currently outputs so much waste, and why Hollywood films aren’t going to get better anytime soon:

With that in mind, let’s look ahead to what’s on the menu for this year: four adaptations of comic books. One prequel to an adaptation of a comic book. One sequel to a sequel to a movie based on a toy. One sequel to a sequel to a sequel to a movie based on an amusement-park ride. One prequel to a remake. Two sequels to cartoons. One sequel to a comedy. An adaptation of a children’s book. An adaptation of a Saturday-morning cartoon. One sequel with a 4 in the title. Two sequels with a 5 in the title. One sequel that, if it were inclined to use numbers, would have to have a 7 1/2 in the title.

In order: Captain America, Cowboys & Aliens, Green Lantern, and Thor; X-Men: First Class; Transformers 3; Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides; Rise of the Apes; Cars 2 and Kung Fu Panda 2; The Hangover Part II; Winnie the Pooh; The Smurfs in 3D; Spy Kids 4; Fast Five and Final Destination 5; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.

(Also, a good complement: Kirby Ferguson’s ‘Everything is a Remix, Part 2’.)

EDIT: Pseudoscience alert:

That leaves one quadrant—men under 25—at whom the majority of studio movies are aimed, the thinking being that they’ll eat just about anything that’s put in front of them as long as it’s spiked with the proper set of stimulants. […] They’re all aimed at the same ADD-addled, short-term-memory-lacking, easily excitable testosterone junkie.

First sentence: OK. Second sentence: It’s ADHD, not ADD; long-term memory-lacking, not short-term-memory-lacking; and this relationship actually does not exist.